The Sin That Feels Right
In a perfect world, sin would smell bad from the start, taste bad going down, and leave us feeling sick. We’d never do it again.
God does help us out quite a bit in that when He places His Spirit in us, He changes us from the inside out, making us new, giving us His DNA, and changing our desires. It has been said that a born-again Christian can’t habitually live in sin comfortably because the Spirit inside of them will convict them.
While that is true, that doesn’t mean that every time we sin, the effects are immediate. Sometimes, Satan is crafty. Sometimes, things slip in. And if for nothing else, as long as we are on this side of Heaven, we continue to live with the duality of the redeemed Spirit in us and the sinful nature of the human flesh that we continue to have.
So the expected process is: sin → guilt, bad feelings, remorse → repentance → God’s forgiveness, grace → God’s renewal.
But, I believe there is a sin that is hard to flag. Perhaps it's something you know on the surface is “wrong,” but your experience feels more nuanced, making you see it differently. Or maybe it’s a sin that you aren’t even sure is wrong. Maybe it’s one of those “gray areas” or “not so clearly defined” topics, or maybe something that has always been normal to you and slips in under the guise of familiarity.
There are many scenarios of how a sin can fly under our radar, but in this article, we are going to talk specifically about sins that we know are wrong, at least in some way, but our experience doesn’t feel wrong.
How can a sin feel right?
In his book Victory Over Darkness, Neil Anderson says something very profound: “All sinful behavior is a wrong attempt at meeting basic needs.”
Anderson lays out this claim in his book: humans were designed to live with God, exist, and depend completely on Him, but in the Fall, man now attempts (painfully) to live independently of Him.
The result is sin.
So what does this mean? Well, first, it means that even the worst sin can be rooted back somehow to a valid need that the person had. I’m tempted to rabbit trail with this at the moment, but at minimum, I feel compelled to say this: We can’t talk about sin if you are going to refuse to give yourself any mercy or grace.
Trust me, I will not let you off the hook if you are doing something wrong. You don’t have to worry about that. But if you are looking for someone to lash you to the whipping post, it’s not going to be me.
Why? Because you will never hate or punish yourself into perfection, and chances are the mess you’ve gotten yourself into has at least something to do with that, to begin with.
But if we accept the theory that all sin has a root in a basic need, then I believe that’s one reason why a sin might not feel wrong.
Perhaps the sin meets a genuine need for loneliness, security, comfort, affirmation, or even healing from past traumas. Do not be mistaken: For every ailment of the heart and soul, Satan and the world will offer their remedies.
Experience Does Not Equal Truth
Imagine this:
A hardworking single mom struggling with depression but pushing through, working multiple jobs, recovering from an unfair divorce, years of unresolved pain and trauma, lonely and insecure from the rejection of her husband. Trying to be a good mom, good Christian, good everything.
It’s not a hard image to conjure. We all know women like this, even if their specific circumstances differ.
Now imagine that woman meets a guy, not a Christian like she’d hoped, and she wasn’t even looking for anyone, but he makes her laugh so much that somehow her anxiety and depression is gone. She didn’t even realize how lonely she was until he came and filled the void. He helps her with things and her life isn’t as hard.
But, then they start doing things that she knows is not right, but is natural between a man and woman. After all, its the natural step of intimacy when you become so close and bonded to someone.
Good, good, good.. there is so much good in this story. And there are good effects of this relationship for her. Perhaps she realizes now what they mean when they say “God didn’t mean for you to do life alone.” Yes, that’s what it is! This is natural. Relationship is good. Companionship, love, intimacy— those things are God-designed and they feel good!
So you know how this story goes: They move in together, and it might or might not work out. The woman I’m thinking of right now? It didn’t work out, and she was left feeling ashamed of how far she lowered her bar just to feel the comfort of a companion.
But for some people, it does work out, but I’ve never seen it work out the way God intends. I’ve never seen someone start things “wrong” and have the best life that God has for them.
The principle I’m trying to explain here is two-fold:
Just because something produces what seems like natural, good fruit in your life doesn’t mean it is right. Satan understands your make-up more than you do. He knows exactly what you don’t have and what you need. He will hijack God’s design to fulfill those needs and use it as a guise to trap you. I’m specifically trying to focus on things that are natural right now because I think that’s a huge pitfall for people. A fruit laced with poison is still a fruit, but it still has poison.
No matter how much the beginning or middle feels like a fairytale or answered prayer even, the ending is alwaysthe same when the pieces don’t match God’s Word. You don’t put sand in a cake mix and get a nice, fluffy cake. God’s real rewards and His dream life for you have ingredients that align with His word and cannot be substituted. You can’t hope that just because nothing bad has happened yet, nothing bad will happen later. That’s ignoring sound wisdom and common sense that you know deep down. God will never give you something that contradicts His word. And if it didn’t come from Him, it can’t be trusted.
Sola Sciptura
Theologians and Christian leaders have studied and debated this topic for generations. Most agree that making any rule based on personal experience alone is very dangerous, if not heretical.
“Sola Scriptura” means “only scripture” in Latin, and it became a term church leaders used to hold people’s ideas, experiences, and nuances to the standard of the Bible. It doesn’t say that you should ignore your experience outright, but that the ultimate authority is the Word of God and that everything must be subordinate to it.
Remember: God never wants you to wonder what’s right and wrong. He gave us his Word and was very clear in it so that we would never be without guidance. He wants you to have the best life and steer clear from the sin that wants to destroy you. He isn’t trying to keep you from good things.
Remember the woman in our example? Do you think that God does not know how hard it is for her in this season of her life? But when the right time comes, He will send the right person to her if she does things His way. (And that “if” is another rabbit trail we can’t get into right now.)
We may not understand it all, but the Bible tells us that God’s ways are perfect. He always does what is best for us.
Satan, on the other hand, depends on ambiguity to trick you. He depends on combining good things with his bad things so you will pass them down. He depends on impersonating God’s hand, His blessings, and His natural designs/desires (like nature) to confuse you into accepting his ploys and trapping you into poison and the betrayal of your King and Father. While this may seem innocent at first, or even like a fair exchange, know that Satan never gives what he promises. He always tricks and deceives, and the only gift he has is death.
God will never be vague about what’s right or wrong. Satan, on the other hand, depends on ambiguity to trick you. If you aren’t sure if something is a sin, there is a good chance it is.
